Looking for Certainty

By Claire Gillespie on September 07, 2013
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What I would like more than anything this year is certainty. I want certainty about which college to attend, which major to choose and which career I should go into.

I have many ideas about college and many pictures in my mind of places where I will be happy, challenged and successful. But what I want is the absolute knowledge that I am doing what I’m meant to do.

Leave a legacy

I believe that I have this last year, my senior year, to enjoy everything in my life: my family, my friends, the activities that I enjoy being part of in school and the activities I do outside of school. It is my goal this year to leave my legacy behind: to leave my school, my town, my activities changed because I was part of them.

I will leave a legacy in the clubs I have helped grow and develop, in the children I have taught, in the underclassmen I have come to know and have a friendship with, in the unique projects I have done. I will leave a legacy in my friends, just as they have left their legacy with me.

I will leave my legacy in the jobs I have held, the chances I have taken, and the memories that I have created in high school. I hope that the legacy I leave is the same as the person I try to be: someone who works hard, takes risks to create opportunities and always seeks to discover more about life.

A clean close

I am excited for the year ahead, although I am apprehensive about the amount of work that it will be. But I am ready to throw myself into school, life and everything else.

I am ready to learn more about who I am and to make decisions that will affect the rest of my life. I am so excited to go to college and have the independence and knowledge and beauty that I have always desired.

I will miss the life that I have in my hometown, but I feel that it will come to a clean close, that everyone who I’ve affected and who has affected me will continue on in life with parts of each other and the knowledge that everything is going to be okay.

A leap of faith

I am scared of how I will get to that point, to the close and the end of everything. I am scared of the decisions that I have to make before then.

These decisions are unlike any I have had to make before: they will affect every aspect of my life, from where I will live, to who I will communicate with on a daily basis, to potentially what major and career I will choose. I very badly want to make the right decision. In the end, there will be many different options, all good, all potentially right and I have to take all of the information I can and make a choice.

I need to learn as much as possible about each path my life can go: each different school that I can attend, and all the assumptions and situations that go with it. From this information, I will make a decision.

I know that it will take not so much certainty, but a leap of faith. Few things are certain in life. The most I can do is continue to search for that certainty, in myself, in the information and experiences I will receive, and in the people around me.

I believe that I will find my answers and figure out a way to make the decision that is right for me.

About the Author

Claire Gillespie

Claire Gillespie

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